Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Hunting Elvis Presley for Fun & Profit

Hunting Elvis Presley for Fun & Profit
by Nigel Mitchell
(5/5 stars)

This isn't very long as it's intended to be a pamphlet not a novel or anything like that. As the title suggests it provides a lot of wacky tips on how to find and kill Elvis Presley in all his various incarnations. The author does a great job of writing it to make it really seem like something someone in the tinfoil hat brigade would write.

Recommended for fans of Weekly World News or "Bubba Ho-tep." I promise you'll never look at the world the same way after you read this.

That is all.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

To Cure the Humans

To Cure the Humans
by Douglas Lewis
(4/5 stars)

At a time when healthcare is big in the news, this book takes a satirical look at the health insurance industry.  An alien named Peter by accident gets an artifact that allows him to cure all diseases in a being.  When he gets to Earth he starts using it on humans, which gets an alien bounty hunter named Cyril on his tail.  A big insurance company also comes after Peter to take the artifact for his own purposes.

Like any humorous story there are some jokes that land and others that don't.  Which do and do not probably depends on your sense of humor.  The writing is solid enough and for a while the story is fun.  It's just way too darned long.  At 456 pages it needs to be about 33% shorter.  Much of this could have happened if all the stuff about Area 52 had been cut out since it wasn't really that necessary.

Anyway, except for the length this is a good book if you like Douglas Adams or similar authors.

That is all.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Temporary Anne

Temporary Anne
by Briane Pagel
(5/5 stars)

Another chilling tale from the author of The Scariest Thing You Can't Imagine. This novella is about a formerly beautiful woman who becomes a ghoul in order to avoid going to Hell. The lengths she goes to in order to avoid her fate defy the imagination. Since I've read a lot of Vonnegut this year, I kept thinking Pagel's style reminds me a lot of Vonnegut's work in that while the narration seems jaunty with its humorous asides and such, there's a lot of hidden depth to that narration.

Besides the novella, there are also short stories from Andrew Leon, Rusty Carl, Nigel Mitchell, and some guy named PT Dilloway.

That is all

The Whole Bloody Affair

The Whole Bloody Affair
by Tony Laplume
(4/5 stars)

This omnibus captures the whole trilogy of a young girl named Yoshimi who has to uncover who murdered her parents and then take her revenge.  In kung-fu movie style this is accomplished by working with various masters on technique and then applying those techniques on hapless would-be assassins.  This ultimately leads her to learn about herself and to question some things she had taken for granted.

Most of the story is good, especially if you like kung-fu, Tarantino's "Kill Bill," or the Flaming Lips's "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots."  At times, especially before the final battle, it gets a little too windy, to the point that a lot of the air goes out of the drama.  It could also use another editing pass.  Overall though it's a good read.

I was also relieved that in book 2 there's a pink robot reference.  Finally!

That is all.

Friday, August 16, 2013

The Sex Gates

The Sex Gates
by Darrell Bain & Jeanine Berry
(2/5 stars)

I'm not going to say too much so I don't get yelled at as has happened before. Suffice it to say the writers have a great future writing for the adult film industry. Like many indie books this has a number of typos; the writers should learn the difference between "succeed" and "secede" for instance. Maybe because of all the graphic sex I found all the characters unpleasant. The first one to go through a gate and change his/her sex was the worst. He goes through the gate and becomes a woman, promptly turns into a whore, and that's pretty much her only function. A main character goes through, becomes a woman, has sex with everyone, and then we skip forward 3 years, so it didn't really add much. 

There was a forehead-slapping moment where that character named Lee goes from a boy to a girl and they all get together and decide to change her name to Li.  What?  I checked this on a couple baby name sites and Lee is listed as a unisex name.  Duh.  Lee would be a lot less confusing than Li, where they'd probably think she was Asian, bringing to mind an old Seinfeld episode involving that scenario.  That was about the moment I lost all confidence in the authors.

At least by the end we sorta find out what the gates are, though it was kind of obvious; I think the various incarnations of Star Trek did it a number of times. I don't understand the decision to set it in the future as that only creates confusion that makes it harder to grasp the impact of these weird gates appearing from nowhere. And I could have done without the Limbaugh-esque junk about those entitled poor people receiving government handouts. I would invite the authors to try to live on Social Security or welfare and see how entitled you feel.

I've probably said too much. Oh well.

That is all.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Powered

Powered
by Cheyanne Young
(5/5 stars)

As someone who wrote a series of superhero novels and another standalone superhero novel, I'm always interested in reading the competition. So I eagerly volunteered to read an advanced copy of this book. On the whole I really enjoyed it.

The biggest strength I think is that the author creates a unique world for the characters. In this world there are a bunch of "supers" (ie superhumans) most of whom live in "Central" in the Grand Canyon. The supers have a sort of caste system. There are the Heroes who do all the superheroic stuff like fighting villains and then there are the Retrievers. I didn't fully understand the Retrievers but I take it they pretty much clean up the mess afterwards.

Maci Might is 16 years old, which means her powers have finally reached their full potential. She then undergoes the test to determine if she'll be a Hero or a Retriever. This doesn't go quite as well as she hoped. From there Maci's life continues to unravel as she alienates her friends and family and has to take refuge in South Africa with a cute researcher named Evan. Probably too much time was spent on Maci and Evan hanging out before we get to the final showdown with the villain.

My main criticism is that I think the villain could have been stronger. Almost half the book goes by before we even find out who the villain is and then another quarter of the book goes by before the villain really becomes any kind of threat. Superhero stories are defined as much by the villain as the hero, like Batman vs. the Joker or Superman vs. Lex Luthor or the Scarlet Knight vs. the Black Dragoon.

The only other criticism would be that for what I presume is a YA book there's some gore in there that even made me cringe. The part where Maci suffers a severe head injury had me literally yelling, "Ewwwww, Gross!!!!" So it's probably not best suited for the younger end of the YA spectrum.

(One other technical note is people don't ride donkeys in the Grand Canyon. They ride mules, which are only half-donkey and half-horse. The stuffed mule I bought from the Grand Canyon gift shop wanted me to note that.)

Still, on the whole it's a brisk, fun read. And of course there's plenty of room for Maci's adventures to continue.

That is all.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Turning

The Turning
by Mark Barwell
(2/5 stars)

This book was recommended to me by Amazon, mostly because I've already published a book with a similar concept (Chance of a Lifetime).  My book focuses only on one man who becomes a woman, like Virginia Woolf's Orlando or Yann Martel's Self, whereas this focuses on a mass event like the comic book series Y the Last Man.  Hard-core feminists steal an experimental drug in Australia and disperse it into the air, causing the entire world's population of men to become women, a few at a time.  Chaos ensues.

Now obviously since I've written a book on similar lines I'm willing to buy into the concept, as ludicrous as it may seem.  It does stretch my disbelief to think a single airborne particle could have such a radical effect.  It really stretches my disbelief to think there are no symptoms exhibited a male "turns".  And it shatters my disbelief to think a man can turn into a woman overnight without ever being aware of it.  I mean come on, when your entire body is rearranging itself like a human Transformer toy, you'd have to be in a lot of pain.  There's no way you'd sleep through it and wake up the next morning like, "Hey, what the heck?"

But my biggest issues are what happens after the turning.  There's something very misogynistic and a little homophobic about what happens to these men after they become women.  One of the first ones to turn is taken shopping for women's clothes by a female friend and instantly falls in love with women's clothes and shopping.  And she instantly knows how to walk in high heels and how to do her hair and makeup.  Say whaaaaat?  Rearranging body parts and increasing the amount of estrogen in the body would not be able to change behaviors at the drop of a hat.  Only 1950s comedians thought women innately possess all those behaviors.  In the real world, changing your DNA would not instantly change your behaviors.

Then within a couple days this new woman is hitting on men and shagging them as they'd say overseas.  At that point the suspension of disbelief has completely disintegrated.  Because again, rearranging body parts and changing chemical balances can't instantly erase psychological behaviors.  If you were attracted to women before, you wouldn't instantly be attracted to men.  Even if there are physical symptoms of attraction, there are a lot of mental hurdles to overcome.

This why I said there's something a little homophobic about it.  Pretty much all the men who turn are instantly attracted to the opposite sex.  It's as if being attracted to the same sex is impossible.  That's in line with what all those religious pundits who say being gay is a choice rail about.  According to people far more in the know about this subject, that simply isn't true.  You're born liking men or liking women and that's not going to instantly change because you've lost a Y chromosome.

The other thing that bugs me is the 14-year-old's fascination with sex and breasts.  It seems almost everyone who turns is super hot with huge knockers.  Is this supposed to be erotica?  Then I suppose that would make sense.  As I've previously indicated, the author introduces the sex early on.  Far too early really.  It reminded me when I watched the movie "Being John Malkovich" where ordinary people find a way into the famous actor's mind.  Almost immediately the people used it to seduce women and from there the story really had nowhere to go.  By the same token in this book you have the newly turned woman shagging by the 20% mark and the roommates (one turned and one not) shagging by 45% then you've pretty much left yourself with few options to escalate things.  It's like if a country launches it's nuclear weapons right from the start; there's really nothing more you can do at that point to escalate the conflict.  Maybe that's why it felt so dreadfully long.   

The end features first a gap in logic the size of the Grand Canyon and then a "twist" revealing the mastermind of the feminist scheme, which was obvious about 2% into the book.  All told I disliked this book on a lot of levels.  But I think it could really work as a movie vehicle for Adam Sandler or Seth Rogen, though I think Rob Schneider beat them to it with "The Hot Chick."

That is all.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Cloak of the Shrouded Man

Cloak of the Shrouded Man
by Tony Laplume
(3/5 stars)

Since I'm familiar with the author's love of comics from his blogs, I was really expecting more from this book.  This is as they say a "hot mess."  After about 35%, the Eidolon, Cotton Colinaude pretty much disappears from the book.  Wasn't he supposed to be the main character?  That last 65% is largely a bunch of philosophical dialogues that cause the story to grind to a halt.

It's hard to do a plot summary because so much of the plot is murky.  When it starts off there's a Batman-type hero named Cotton Colinaude who goes by the hard-to-pronounce handle Eidolon.  (I was glad to be listening to this on the Kindle so I would know how to actually say it.)  There's another hero called Godsend who's a Superman-type.  Godsend does not approve of the Eidolon's methods, especially as he goes after someone referred to as "the Cad."

And then...I have no idea.  The middle section seems similar to Grant Morrison's "Batman R.I.P." though I think this book predates that.  Then it turns into the Iliad.  Throughout it there's a lot less action than you would expect and far more philosophical rambling.

To say something positive, it's obvious the author spent a lot of time assembling the world's mythology.  There's a lot of background information on the characters and the city of Traverse, Alabama.  There just needed to be less background and less philosophy.

That is all.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Sinai

Sinai
by William Smethurst
(4/5 stars)

When a German tourist dies of dehydration in the Sinai desert in only hours, Dr. Richard Corrigan begins to suspect something odd is going on.  He joins forces with an American scientist, who shows him the body of an Egyptian boy recovered in 1973 but believed to actually come from the time of the Biblical exodus.  Thus Richard begins to look for answers.

If you ever wanted a da Vinci Code involving physics then this is your book.  It's lacking a little in terms of chills and thrills, though it has its moments.  Mostly what holds this book back are the ancient Egyptian scenes.  These weigh the narrative down considerably and for what they contribute to the end, it could have been compressed into a prologue.  Really, we didn't need to hear the entire Exodus when all that mattered was what happened around Mount Te.

Another problem was the author clearly did not reference his military aircraft.  At one point he mentions an American Sabre going down; Sabres became obsolete by the mid-1950s.  Another point someone is flying in an SR-71 Blackbird; the last of those was retired in the 1990s.  Then he mentioned something being tested on a Phantom; I'm pretty sure the Israeli's stopped using those a while back as well.  In this age of Wikipedia it's pretty easy for an author or editor to research details like that.  And as I always say, if you don't get the little things right, it worries me about the big things, especially in a book that involves so much history.

Anyway, as I said if you liked the da Vinci Code and like physics then this will be a great book for you.

That is all.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Chet Finley vs. The Machines of Fate

Chet Finley vs. The Machines of Fate
by Eric Filler
(5/5 stars)

Fans of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" or especially fans of "Futurama" should enjoy this smart-alec sci-fi adventure.  The eponymous Chet Finley is an ordinary schlub in Newark until the day he uncovers a galactic conspiracy to control--and profit from--humanity.  From there Chet enlists the aid of a surly robot named Ziggy and a shapeshifting assassin named Sadie to find the root of the conspiracy and free humanity.  The journey takes Chet from Newark to a freighter loaded with bootleg DVDs to Monaco and then into the stars.  From there Chet and company visit a library operated by giant birds, a casino in the Horsehead Nebula, to a planet where time itself has stopped.

As with any book of this type you might not get all of the jokes or think they're all very funny, but there are far more hits than misses.  The book is loaded with geek culture references and a good dose of locker room humor to make it fun for grown-up sci-fi fans.  It won't make you forget Douglas Adams, but it's still a fun read.

That is all.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Superhero (An Action Thriller)

Superhero (An Action Thriller)
by Victor Methos
(4/5 stars)

This is definitely in the mold of grim and gritty 80s style comics like "The Dark Knight Returns" instead of the more traditional Golden Age of comics.  The plot is sort of like "Robocop" meets "The Greatest American Hero" in that our hero Jack is pretty much killed, but thanks to alien technology is able to be rebuilt into a cyborg with superpowers.  He uses these to go after Agamemnon, the guy who nearly killed him and who has pretty much the same abilities as Jack.

Overall it's a pretty serviceable superhero tale if you like the grim and gritty stuff.  Unfortunately an M. Night-style twist at the end ruins what would otherwise be a 5-star yarn.  I do appreciate that the author at least tried to create a different hero with his own backstory, as so many other authors seem content to just mimic Superman or Batman or Iron Man, etc. and set them in play.

For the price I got it for on Amazon I'd have to say it was worth the money.

That is all.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Sale Day at C-Mart

Sale Day at C-Mart
by Joe Basara
(5/5 stars)

The best way to describe this book might be to say it's the absurdist class struggle of "Catch-22" fused with the retail comedy of the movie "Clerks."  I found this combination to be very entertaining and a step up from his debut "Cypress Lake."

This story takes place in Cypress Lake, though it's set a few years later in the mid-80s.  C-Mart is a big box chain store not unlike KMart and like KMart it has a hated rival known as T-Mart.  The management of both stores have the brilliant idea of a Christmas in July sale.  The book takes place during this sale day (hence the title) through the points of view of the store's employees.

The employees spend much of their time hopping around working (or trying to avoid working)to meet management's impossible demands.  The Powers That Be in Atlanta decree to "spread 'em thin" to avoid paying too many salaries, which often leaves stock piled up and displays a shambles and frustrated customers going across the street.  Three new employees are inserted into the chaos of C-Mart and things get off to a great start when their training person calls in sick because of a night of partying.  Thus they're left to fend for themselves.

The customers become increasingly nutty, sometimes to an exceedingly surrealistic extent.  There are a few times when the author problem should have toned it down, but for the most part it makes for an entertaining story as the employees struggle to meet management's crazy demands and the craziness of the customers.  But it never manages to get as dark as a "Catch-22."  In fact there's even a happy ending.  Well, it is Christmas after all...or Christmas in July.

Basara's writing is as good or better than novels you would pay many times more for, which makes this a really good bargain for anyone who wants a well-written tale of absurdist humor.  Or maybe if you work at a C-Mart type place and want a little catharsis.

That is all.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Yoshimi and the Shadow Clan

Yoshimi and the Shadow Clan
by Tony Laplume
(4/5 stars)

My assumption is this has less to do with the Flaming Lips album "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" and more with old kung-fu movies and modern updates like "Kill Bill."  There is a girl named Yoshimi who has to train in martial arts, but sadly pink robots are sorely lacking...for now. 

In the meantime, the orphaned Yoshimi trains by escaping 36 different foster families until at 15 she's finally released into the world.  Her first stop is at the Peers academy, where she gets a book and a sword and gets some vague preparation for a battle against the evildoer who killed her parents.  First she has to take on the Shadow Clan led by a guy named Bill, which seems an obvious "Kill Bill" reference despite that I haven't actually watched most of those movies as I have yet to embrace the genius of Quentin Tarantino.

Most of the book is entertaining enough and it's fairly short so it doesn't take a long time to read.  I would have preferred a little more detail in the beginning about the foster families and at the end after Yoshimi's confrontation with Bill it might have been nice for things to slow down a little to get more detail about her travels.

There is a decent promise of more to come, though perhaps pink robots are not in the offing.  Dang it.

That is all.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Carnival Papers

The Carnival Papers
by Patrick Dilloway
(5/5 Stars)

In every life there are those critical moments that leave their mark on us forever and shape the course of our lives. These are the moments that are contemplated in "The Carnival Papers," a collection of short stories focusing on a variety of characters facing life-altering situations.

The first story is "Learning to Fly," where a young girl fed up with small town life decides to set out on adventure. This adventure doesn't go quite as she plans when her car breaks down.

"Antiques" follows a similar pattern to "Learning to Fly," only in this a young girl in a small town uncovers her mother's dark secret.

"Far As You Can Go" focuses on a woman leaving her abusive husband who has to decide just what she's willing to do in order to escape.

In "Flight," a suburban man is trapped in the urban jungle and finds the most dangerous foe might just be himself.

"Walking Away" features a young man making the decision to leave home for the first time.

"Your Missed" (the title is a deliberate typo) deals with a young man in his first real job and first real relationship.

"Carnal Knowledge" focuses on an Internet loudmouth who leaves the virtual world to confront an author who tormented him in high school.

In "Tartarus" a man's idyllic XMas with his family is shattered by a dangerous foe.

"Coming Home" deals with a washed-up baseball player returning home and starting a new life.

Baseball is also at the center of "The Kryptonite Heart," in which a minor league baseball team, its mascot, and the mascot's son are all changed forever by a game to decide the championship.

In "Safe Harbor" a dying author seeks solace in the works he created.

"Spring in the Land of Broken Dreams" is another literary-themed adventure where a young man goes in search of his favorite author.

"The Carnival Papers" focuses on a young man and his brief affair with the "mermaid" of the visiting carnival.

In "Sunset Limited" nature photographer Frank Hemsky's life takes a dramatic turn on a train bound for home.

Frank Hemsky returns in "The Ridgemont Marathon," where a stop in rural Michigan prompts Frank to consider a change of life.

"Swimming Lessons" focuses on a deformed man's first meeting with the equally deformed father who abandoned him long ago.

In "Here I Am," folksinger Josh confronts writer's block and a new love.

Josh returns in "Folksinger's Blues," where he and his band meet the end of the road.

Finally, in "Meet Cute," a man's business trip to Toronto takes an unexpected turn and demonstrates that life isn't like the movies.

These stories are of varying length. Some feature sexual situations and bad language, though nothing too explicit.

That is all.

Forever Young (Children of Eternity #1)

Forever Young (Children of Eternity #1)
by Claire Lachance
(4/5 Stars)

Did you ever watch that M. Night Whatshisface movie "The Village?" Neither did I, but there is somewhat of a similar premise involved in "Forever Young" by Claire Lachance. Maybe also a little of "Tuck Everlasting" or something too; it's been a while since I read that.

Anyway, the story begins with a 10-year-old girl washing up on an island. When she wakes up, she has no idea who she is or how she came to be on the island. The kindly Miss Brigham gives the girl the name Samantha Young. Why that and not Jane Doe? Hurm...

One Samantha is able to get up and around, she notices something very strange about the island. There are about 50 other children but only three adults: Miss Brigham, the nasty Mr. Pryde, and the head man Reverend Crane. The children do most of the work on the island to grow food, take care of the livestock, cut firewood, and so forth. Their technology is pretty much on par with the Amish, with no boats no phones no motorcars--not a single luxury. That seems odd to Samantha, but she can't understand why at first.

Samantha quickly makes friends with Prudence, a shy fat girl who handles all of the island's sewing. Prudence helps Samantha understand the strict code everyone lives under, called The Way by Reverend Crane. Try as she might, Samantha can't seem to avoid getting into trouble with the reverend and his rules. Making things tougher is that Samantha is the only one on the island with darker skin, making her an immediate target for bullying.

But as time goes by, Samantha begins to remember some things. This helps her to see that there's something not quite kosher about Reverend Crane or what he's doing on the island. But what's his secret? Hurm...

Anyway, this is a pretty short book that moves along at a good clip. Since a reverend is the bad guy it's probably not for devout religious people, which was fine with me. The writing is nothing special, but there aren't too many errors, which is always good. And even though she's only 10, Samantha kicks a lot more ass than Bella Swan. I'm just saying.

That is all.

Higher Power

Higher Power
by Claire Lachance
(4/5 Stars)

You could probably describe "Higher Power" as being like "Inception" only without all the gun battles and car chases and fight sequences ripped off from "The Matrix." And contrary to what the title might suggest there's nothing in there about religion.

The story focuses on a blind man name Max Caldwell. Like a lot of blind people, when Max lost his sight, his other senses became more acute. In his case he actually developed a new sense: Max can see into people's dreams. Not only can he see the dreams, he finds he can control them as well. Unfortunately he discovers this power at a young age and ends up turning it against his parents in a fit of childish angst that proves deadly.

After which Max ends up in a loony bin. But now that he's a grown man and hasn't had any problems in a good while, the state has decided he's "cured" and is turning him loose. Max still has to go to the hospital periodically to meet with a therapist helping him to reintegrate with society.

One day at the hospital, though, Max finds himself drawn into the dreams of a coma patient named Sarah. Though he's sworn to not use his power again, Max can't help himself when it seems like Sarah is about to die in her dream.

From there Max begins spending more and more time around Sarah, using his power to keep her safe. At first he does relatively simple things, but soon he decides the only way to make sure she's safe is to build a whole new world for her, a "perfect" world inside her mind. But how do you make a perfect world? And how long can the illusion really last?

You might think it's a little creepy that this guy is obsessing about a woman in a coma, but it's not like he's actually doing anything to her in real life. He's not fondling her or any of that. And he doesn't try to make her fall in love with him, at least not until she inadvertently sees him in the dream world. Like I said at the beginning, this isn't a violent action story. It's more of a romance between Max and Sarah. It's also kind of a superhero type story as Max learns with great power comes great responsibility.

Anyway, this is an enjoyable fairly light read. It won't have you questioning reality either and make you wonder whether the end was a dream or anything like that. So that's a plus.

That is all.

First Contact (Rebirth #1)

First Contact (Rebirth #1)
Eric Filler
(4/5 Stars)

This is some good old-fashioned space opera, even if it's not particularly well-written.  Anyway, the story begins with two starships arriving at an uninhabited planet. (And since this is not "hard" science-fiction there's no explanation of the faster-than-light travel method they use or anything like that.) Captain Lisa Shaw is in command of the expedition, though she feels slighted to be sent out into the middle of nowhere for years on what should be a milk run.

Except things get more interesting than she ever imagined. Not long after the humans arrive and begin surveying the planet, an alien ship appears in the system! Lisa and her crew go through all the standard first contact stuff of trying to send greetings and whatnot, but it soon becomes apparent these aliens are not interested in exchanging messages by musical scales or cave drawings or anything like that.

No, the aliens open fire and within minutes Lisa's ship is destroyed. She's prepared to go down with the ship, but is saved by Ensign Jack Laurants, who assures her she's needed down on the surface. A few others of the bridge crew survive as well, but most of the ship's crew is dead, for which Lisa blames herself.

Not much later on the surface, the human ground soldiers of the expedition come under attack by alien warriors. It's then the alien agenda becomes clear: they want to use the humans as food! Though they aren't carving them up like cattle. The aliens have a much different way of eating, more akin to vampires, though they don't sparkle.

From there the human survivors have to find a way to escape from the aliens and get back to Earth to warn them of the threat.

As I said at the beginning, the writing is not great. It's pretty amateurish and there are of course typographical errors and such.  The story obviously borrows from a lot of other space opera-type things like Star Wars, Star Trek, Robotech, and maybe a little V--the 80s version. It's a fun light read.

That is all.

Waking Prometheus

Waking Prometheus
by Paul L. Madden
(4/5 Stars)

This book--more of a novella than a novel--has nothing to do with the Prometheus movie from this year. There is an alien involved, but it's not an acid-dripping monster or some big pasty dude that flies around in a big croissant-shaped ship.

This story concerns one Brent Gallowes in the not-so-distant future. In the prologue Brent's nice suburban life is torn asunder when he finds his wife and child murdered in a mindless, random act of violence. After spending some time feeling sorry for himself, Brent decides to leave Earth and essentially become a space trucker.

When the story picks up in the "present" Brent is captain of a cargo freighter that spends its time going between Earth and various colonies and stations in the Solar System. His life is decidedly unglorious, much of his time spent boozing and still feeling sorry for himself. Brent and his crew find a damaged ship near Jupiter and decide to investigate. That's always a bad idea; just ask those people in Alien. Inside the human ship is essentially a big silver ball of unknown origin. But when Brent touches the thing, he learns there's an alien intelligence inside. From there Brent's life gets pretty complicated.

The alien intelligence claims it means no harm and only wants to go on its way. Meanwhile, there are a lot of very rich humans who would love to have an alien artifact like this to study. If Brent won't surrender the artifact, they might just take it from him. Mixed into all that is Brent's story of redemption through his decisions concerning the artifact. The pace moves pretty briskly as this is definitely on the low side of a novel-length story. It's not exactly hard science but it's not exactly a space opera either. It's a nice light sci-fi read that certainly won't take you very long to get through.

That is all.

Monorama

Monorama
by Tony Laplume
(3/5 Stars)

A wide variety of sci-fi stories come together in this short story collection. The first "story" called "Lost Books of Tomorrow" is a series of 32 vignettes I suppose you could say. Each of those could be a longer story in its own right. The one after that about someone whose parachute doesn't open after a skydiving accident is sort of dull and in my opinion the weakest of the collection. a couple of other stories don't have what I'd consider a satisfying conclusion, but overall this is a very good read, a whirlwind of imagination as I called it once.

That is all

The Changing Seasons

The Changing Seasons
by Paul L. Madden
(4/5 Stars)

A few months ago Michael Offutt wrote a review of my book Virgin Territory and called it depressing. Well, The Changing Seasons ups the ante on depressing by a factor of ten. Basically over four seasons the main character's life is completely destroyed.

The first chapter is kind of a James Joyce-ian chronicle of a typical day in the life of Floyd Jensen. It's really not a very interesting life as we see. Floyd goes from his apartment to the mail room of the local chemical conglomerate, where he spends his day mindlessly shuffling around the building to put envelopes in people's inboxes. Then he goes to school at the local university, where he's working on a degree in Literature that even he knows is worthless.

The next day then gets off to a terrible start. Floyd's doctor's appointment runs late, which prompts him to drive like a maniac to school to get there in time for an exam. Except of course he gets a speeding ticket, putting him even further behind. So when he finally gets to school he's running at full speed--right into a young woman. That's where his day--and his life--take a turn for the better.

The young woman is named Abby and despite that Floyd runs into her like a linebacker and hurts her ankle, she wants to see him again. So begins a very awkward courtship. Floyd and Abby are both shy and pretty clueless about dating. Plus they're both hiding a dark secret.

Despite finding perhaps true love, Floyd still has a lot of other problems in his life. His irresponsible brother Todd is getting married to an unpleasant girl named Angela, who is also carrying Todd's child. Floyd's father suffered a stroke about a year ago and his health is declining rapidly. And it turns out Abby's mother--an executive at the company where Floyd works--hates Floyd, seeing him as not good enough for her daughter.

From there things really begin to unravel for poor Floyd. It gets to the point where he contemplates suicide, but can't quite bring himself to do it. So yeah it gets pretty dark. It's definitely not something you want to read on the beach.

A couple of other little nitpicks. I couldn't help thinking Floyd is kind of a dick. Throughout the book he's constantly looking down on his older brother, as if his life is so much better. Come on dude, wake up and smell the coffee already! Abby is a little too perfect; I kind of doubted a girl like her could exist in real life. If she did, I'd love to get her phone number! And in terms of writing it really uses "and" too much. Every other sentence seems like "this and that" AND so forth. See what I'm doing there? It gets a little annoying if you notice it.

Still it's a good coming of age story, especially if you're in the mood for something a little darker.

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War Angel

War Angel
by Rusty Carl
(4/5 Stars)

It's a good story about love and secrets in Germany during the last days of WWII. I figured out the twist early on with a little deduction based on the olfactory properties of a certain individual--how's that for clever? Anyway, I'd give it five stars but it needs some serious proofreading.

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Wool

Wool
by Hugh Howey
(3/5 Stars)

This felt really long at times. It probably could have been chopped down about 150 pages or more without losing much. The end is a bit deus-ex-machina as a character who until that point had been relatively unimportant all the sudden saves the day for the main characters. It's the kind of thing where I think, "Gee if you'd done that 200 pages ago this story would have been over." Anyway the point for any of you indie writers out there is don't have some outside character save the day because it's lame.

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Whores

Whores
by Nicolas Wilson
(5/5 stars)

Obviously it's a lot less subtle than The Handmaid's Tale. At one point one of the main characters is compared to Robin Hood and that seems an apt comparison. Only if Robin were a girl and all the Merry Men were Merry Women.

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The Unforgetting

The Unforgetting
by Jenny Mounfield
(4/5 Stars)

A decent psychological thriller, but the ending sucks. First the "Twilight"-esque way the final action is skipped over when the main character passes out. Then when she says to her boyfriend, "I got this great new job but if you don't want me to take it then I won't." What is this, the 50s? Why do women of all people write that kind of sexist garbage? Don't get me started. Anyway, this also needs another editing pass.

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Vampire Pond

Vampire Pond
by Peter Joseph Swanson
(4/5 Stars)

Despite that it's called "Vampire" Pond, the vampire involved isn't really how we traditionally think of vampires, especially for the "Twilight" set. This isn't some suave guy in a cape or pasty teenager. The vampire is a monster without much of a personality or even a name. Instead most of the action focuses on the bumbling village nearby, which is dominated by a crumbling abbey seeking legitimacy. When a pair of gypsies arrive in the village, they begin to help the villagers rid their town of the vampire and other monsters.

Overall it's a fun read, albeit a little bit too talky. As the King said, a little less conversation, a little more action please.

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Eclipse

Eclipse
by Briane Pagel
(5/5 stars)

Don't confuse this "Eclipse" with that other one. There are no vampires or werewolves in this. Instead, this Eclipse is a psychological sci-fi mystery in the tradition of the old Twilight Zone, 2001, or Solaris.

It's hard to describe the plot, because it's such a mystery that you never know if what's happening is real or if it's imagined. All we know is that it involves a man named Claudius. Did he go into space? Did he pilot a ship too close to the sun and have to bail out? Or is he lying in a prison, imagining everything?

Even at the end it's hard to be sure and that's what keeps you guessing and will have you looking at it more than once.

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The Beginnings of Forever

The Beginnings of Forever
by AL Sirois
(5/5 stars)

"The Beginnings of Forever" is a collection of stories in the old tradition of science fiction like Asimov or Bradbury. It's about the next best thing to watching a marathon of "The Outer Limits" or "Twilight Zone" except that a couple of the stories (especially the one taking place in an adult bookstore) are probably a bit more risque than either of those shows. Anyway, the stories are all enjoyable enough, touching on a wide range of topics from a look at the beginning of America's space program to a man who captures a baby thunderstorm. So if you're looking for some good old-fashioned sci-fi, give this a look.

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The Scariest Things You Can't Imagine

The Scariest Things You Can't Imagine
by Briane Pagel
(5/5 stars)

I don't read a lot of horror books, but I have watched a number of horror movies and I'm a big fan of the original "Twilight Zone." I found "The Scariest Things You Can't Imagine" to be a riveting collection of horror/suspense stories, each one compelling me to keep reading.

Like the best "Twilight Zone" episodes, I kept reading, wondering, "What's the hook here?" In "The Deal", an 11-year-old boy is tormented by nightmares. But are really nightmares or something more? In "Astrid Forever" a man is haunted by his dead wife. Why? What does she want from him? People gather outside an old man's house in "fer de Lance." What do they want? And is the old man a monster or a victim? In "Rage" a woman comes face-to-face with the son who was abducted many years earlier. What is he going to do with her? And finally in "The Grave-Robbers" a boy discovers his fundamentalist parents are hiding some dark secrets. But what is "the Engine" and what are his parents up to?

Like any great storyteller, Mr. Pagel keeps the reader engaged from start to finish, adding one layer after another to each mystery to keep the reader guessing.

But be warned, there's some intense action especially in "Rage". These stories are not for the faint of heart!

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Blackbeard's Treasure

Blackbeard's Treasure
by Lizzy Stevens
(3/5 Stars)

This probably would have been many times better if the author had simply slowed down and let the reader catch his/her breath a little. The way it plays out, I felt as if I were watching a movie with the fast forward button on.

Here's how it goes: Cassie drives from San Diego to her grandpa's house in Branson, Missouri because he's dead. (Did she love him? Did she know him? Who knows?!) She's cleaning when a big strong guy named Levi comes over to give her some papers and stuff. She cleans up the attic and finds a journal about the daughter of Edward Teach. Though apparently she's a diver, Cassie knows nothing of pirates, so she doesn't know Edward Teach was the infamous pirate Blackbeard. But Levi knows and tells her that.

Then for no good reason they drive back to San Diego, where Cassie teaches Levi to dive in the ocean. They drive back to Missouri. They track down where Teach was buried. For no good reason Cassie falls and hits her head on a board.

As I said, it's all told in such a rush that there's just no time to get involved with the characters or story.

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Shedding Skin

Shedding Skin
by Julian Darius
(4/5 Stars)

I'm not really a horror fan, so I didn't go into this with high hopes. But I found both stories to be good, the first more than the second. They're more suspense/psychological, not the gross-out splatterfests some people may expect from horror stories. A lot more "Twilight Zone" than "Human Centipede," which was fine with me.

The first story involves a man who has to rush to New Mexico, where his wife has give birth prematurely at her aunt's house. Her aunt is Native American and the narrator witnesses some kind of bizarre ritual. But no harm comes of it and five years go by without any problems. Then one day his wife and daughter vanish. The narrator has to return to the aunt's house, where he's greeted by some shocking revelations. It definitely ties into the book's title and cover picture.

That first story takes up the first three-quarters of the book. The second story then is what in comic book parlance would be a "backup story" or in boxing terminology the "undercard fight." This much shorter story involves a son who goes to visit his dying father. His father tells him a ridiculous story concerning his family and vampires. (No it's not anything like "Twilight.") Is the story true? If nothing else the story found a creative new use for vampires I hadn't thought of, something maybe they could use in that "True Blood" show.

Anyway, I liked both stories, though the first one was better because it was longer and thus more developed. There are a few typos and it bugs me when the author puts D---- instead of the actual last name, but otherwise no serious problems.

It took me less than an hour to read it, so it's something you can read on your lunch hour--if you dare, cue scary Vincent Price laugh.

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New Pride

New Pride
by Laura Diamond
(5/5 Stars)

If you're a fan of "Twilight" and similar books then "Shifting Pride" is up your alley. Instead of a vampire or werewolf, Richard is more of a werecat--he turns into a panther. After his father sends him packing, Richard hooks up with a pack of other werecats who turn into lions, lynxes, bobcats, etc., but he's far more interested in Molly. She's an artist he finds in the woods and is far less annoying than Bella Swan. But his new pack isn't happy about him spending time with a normal person. You can see where that's heading.

As I said, if you like "Twilight" then you'll enjoy this. It's a fast-paced, exciting read. And the idea of turning into a panther is pretty cool.

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Letters to Psyche

Letters to Psyche
by Sandra Ulbrich Almazan
(5/5 stars)

A delightful short story that puts a fresh spin on Romeo and Juliet. It's also a good yarn about the nature of love and letting go of hate. The entire thing is written as a series of letters from Cupid to Psyche over the course of a few centuries as he tries to settle a blood feud between the Montagues and Capulets.

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Visionary of Peace (Vallar #2)

Visionary of Peace (Vallar #2)
by Cindy Borgne
(5/5 stars)

A riveting sequel that expands upon the great world introduced in "Seer of Mars." When last we'd seen Ian, he'd broken away from the evil MarsCorp and defected to GenTech, in large part to woo the gorgeous Kayla. Ian used his psychic abilities to help GenTech defeat MarsCorp and merge with another faction to form Vallar. A couple of years later all of that is threatened as MarsCorp gets a new ally of their own. But MarsCorp gets more than it bargained for in their new ally, which leads to a massive showdown between the Martian factions.

This is a quick-paced read that has a lot of twists and turns to keep the reader engaged. The alternating first-person chapters between Kayla and Ian is a little confusing, but after a couple of chapters it becomes easy to figure out who's narrating which chapter.

There is still plenty of room for more exciting Vallar action, which I'll look forward to.

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Twinned Universes

Twinned Universes
by Sandra Ulbrich Almazan
(5/5 stars)

A worthy follow-up to "Lyon's Legacy" this continues the story about 18 years later. When his mother is murdered, Paul Harrison travels to a parallel universe that's over a hundred years in the past--or 1980 to be exact. Paul needs to track down his ancestor Sean Lyon, who is like an American version of John Lennon, to find out who killed his mother and to try and prevent Sean's death. But there are forces at work who want to prevent both of those events.

This was a taut and fast-paced sci-fi yarn that gripped me from beginning to end. Since Paul and his friends are teens, it works for YA audiences and older readers.

Recommended.

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Dead Links

Dead Links
by Nigel Mitchell
(5/5 Stars)

Can the Internet kill you? That's the question posed in Dead Links, an exciting and engaging thriller that hooked me from beginning to end.

Internet addiction has become a problem in recent years thanks to the boom of the World Wide Web, but (to my knowledge) no one has actually died from it. In Dead Links that starts to change thanks to a site called Araknee. It's sort of like what you'd get if Facebook and Amazon merged--a gigantic social network and marketplace. To some people it's more than just a website--it's a religion!

Ace reporter Amanda Katt visits Araknee's headquarters and gets a creepy vibe from the place. When she asks one question too many and refuses to turn in their prewritten article, she gets tossed out. In turn she writes a scathing article about the place for her magazine. This sets off a firestorm for Amanda, leading to several assassination attempts by Araknee cult members. Worse yet is when her own fiancee becomes an Araknee addict. Can Amanda stop the site before it takes over the world?

I don't know how plausible the scenario actually is, but the author makes it feel plausible enough. Amanda is the kind of plucky, take-charge heroine more books should incorporate, one who doesn't need bailed out by a big strong man all the time.

I'm not sure if Amanda is going to have any other adventures, but I would read them.

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The Spur: Loki's Rock

The Spur:  Loki's Rock
by Mark Ellis
(4/5 stars)

It's a space Western that's more Western than space. It's kind of like those old Star Trek episodes where Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam down to some planet plunged in civil war and despite the Prime Directive wind up getting involved in it. Only in this case both sides of the civil war are evil.

On the desolate world of Loki, Colonel James Crockett and his crew go down to the surface to survey the place since the Federation-type entity in charge lost contact with the colony over a century ago. They find that thanks to numerous earthquakes and such the place is a wasteland. They come to the eponymous Loki's Rock, a kind of Thunderdome-type place ruled by a nut named Bonner.

Bonner's goons harvest human organs to trade to some neo-neo-Nazis who exchange them for supplies Bonner and his people need to survive. But of course Crockett's arrival upsets this precarious balance. There's a final showdown that takes place in a mountain stronghold shaped like Adolf Hitler.

Like I said, it feels a lot like Star Trek. Crockett is Kirk, his second-in-command/science officer Alex is Spock (without the ears and with female parts), and the "Native American" (a term not really applicable since he was born on Loki) doctor Quanrah is Bones. There's also an amnesiac psychic gypsy named Zeda and an android named Syne. It's a fast-paced, exciting adventure but largely formulaic. It lacks the humor of a "Firefly" but is still a fun read.

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Toons Pt 1 - Bad Toon Rising

Toons Pt 1 - Bad Toon Rising
by Nigel Mitchell
(5/5 stars)

This is a hilarious spoof of Looney Tunes and other cartoons that's perfect for fans of those or Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I'm anxious to find out who the Masked Executive is and just how Krafty Wolf can stop him--if he can.

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Alliance

Alliance
by Jessica Stank
(4/5 stars)

Although this is book 2 of the series, I'd say most readers might as well just start reading it here. The weakness of the first book was that half of it was devoted to a teenage romance that in the end wasn't overly important. What was important is that Alexander Quinn was cured from cancer with an experimental treatment that gave him super strength and the ability to see people's auras, something I facetiously called mood ring vision. In the process, this brought Alexander to the attention of a billionaire criminal named Marcus who wanted to develop his own army of superpeople.

Now in Book 2 is when Alex actually starts to become a superhero, along with his new pal Jordan. Jordan develops ice powers after receiving some of the formula used on Alex. They decide to be a superhero team, but they're really lousy at it. They could actually use to read my "Practical Superheroism" series on my blog. They do employ some of it to develop costumes--or "uniforms" as they prefer--but they could use a lot of help in other areas like finding criminals.

Anyway, the evil Marcus is still around and worse than ever now that he's developed psychic powers and has a few superfriends of his own. Alex and Jordan manage to bumble and stumble their way into a confrontation with Marcus and his people.

Since there's less focus on romance this was a much more fun ride for me than the last one. The only problem is the end is flat. The confrontation with Marcus ends with about 15% left in the book. The good thing is there's still plenty of room left for future sequels. Hopefully in those Alex and Jordan will start to get their stuff together and be a little more Avengers and a little less Greatest American Hero.

BTW, in the book Alex's family faces money problems that threaten their farm. Something that occurred to me is: why doesn't Alex just enter one of those MMA tournaments where you can win a bunch of money for beating people up? Obviously he'd win since he can bench-press more than a ton and lift cows over his head and such. There seem to be thousands of those events per year so there's got to be one near Grand Rapids, right?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next book and meanwhile you should get in on the ground floor here. And while you wait for Book 3, you can read my superhero series! A Hero's Journey

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Small Town Hero

Small Town Hero
by Jessica Stank
(4/5 Stars)

Basically if you like Smallville on the WB/CW then you'd like this book. Alex Quinn is like a young Clark Kent in Smallville in that he's a farmboy in a small town, only rural Michigan instead of Kansas. Also, he's not an alien. In the old Stan Lee tradition his powers come from radiation when he's diagnosed with cancer. Well there's also an experimental drug that helps him to gain super strength and something that could be described as mood ring vision.

What holds the book back from being 5 stars to me is that the first half of the book is the teen romance between Alex and his next door neighbor Natalie. It uses rotating first-person to go from Natalie to Alex. And in the end Natalie doesn't do much except serve as bait for the villain, who is introduced through a little backstory in the hospital. Not focusing so much on the romance and also not using the rotating first-person would have allowed the antagonist to be developed properly. Or have just cut from Alex to the antagonist.

Then again I'm male so I don't appreciate romance as much as those of the female persuasion. Anyway, once it gets going it's a fun book. I'd recommend it for teens/tweens into superheroes.

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American Goddesses

American Goddesses
by Gary Henry
(3/5 stars)

I remember when I pitched my superhero novel (A Hero's Journey) to an agent and she expressed concern the book was "too far out there." I wish I'd had a copy of this to show her and say, "Now THIS is 'out there!'" I mean a central part of the plot is a Russian psychic possessing a superhero in order to rape the superhero's husband. Yuck.

Even with the rape scene I would have liked the book better if the heroes had at least the intellect of Forrest Gump. Instead they both come off like morons. And there's something misogynist about how the one is a naive fool and the other uses her powers mostly to nag her husband about his drinking. A husband, who incidentally cheats on her the first time we see him and yet the rest of the book we're supposed to believe how much in love they are.

Then the plot is resolved by introducing a bunch of new characters at around the 80% mark so it has a real deus ex machina feel. And then at the end it turns into "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

It's just a mess of a story, but at least the writing isn't littered with as much terrible grammar and typos as you might expect from a self-published book.

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Cypress Lake

Cypress Lake
by Joe Basara
(4/5 stars)

I had this book on my To Read list for a while on Goodreads thanks to Ethan Cooper's marvelous review. Finally I decimated the virtual To Be Read pile on my Kindle enough that I decided to buy this. In part because it's less than a dollar and most big publisher books are eight to twelve times that much. I can at least say I got my dollar's worth.

Since the author likes to reference old TV shows, I find it appropriate to reference an old TV show, in this case "Scrubs" which ended only a couple years ago, so it isn't that old. Like that show this book takes place largely in a hospital and features a twentysomething main character who likes to daydream a lot and lust after his coworkers. Only Basara's book is a lot less wacky and sadly does not feature anyone as hilariously grumpy as Dr. Cox.

Though since this book takes place in 1977 a M*A*S*H reference might have been more appropriate.   Actually I think that's one series the author doesn't manage to directly reference in the book. Anyway, Owen Cloud moves back to his old stomping grounds in rural Florida to work as an orderly at a hospital. He almost right away falls head over heels for one of his coworkers, but eventually moves on to another and then to what I'd call the "consolation prize" girl, the one who's been there all along but only at the end does Owen realize is available. (This is incidentally a trope I've used a number of times. Like this book for example: Virgin Territory)

Along the way Owen spends a lot of time daydreaming and philosophizing. The almost constant bombardment of literary quotes and TV/song references from the 50s-70s become irritating after a little while. They give the narrative an ADHD feel, as if the author can't focus on one scene so he keeps jumping from one tangent to another.

If you look past those there's a well-written book about small town life, coming of age, and finding love. Since it's apparently a debut effort it's not bad. If a little more focus were devoted to developing the story and characters and less to quotes and references, it would have the gritty small-town feel of a Richard Russo novel like Empire Falls.

Still for a buck you can do a lot worse.

That is all.         

Up So Down

Up So Down
by Briane Pagel
(5/5 stars)

I remember when I read "Breathing Lessons" by Anne Tyler what impressed me was that while the story didn't have much of a PLOT--a couple is on their way to a funeral--the author captured the normalcy of their lives so brilliantly that I was never bored with it. That's something Briane Pagel does so well in his previous book "The After" and in his latest "Up So Down." While the book doesn't have much of a PLOT, the author does such a great job to create real characters that it's still a great read.

The story focuses on two siblings. Sarah is a nurse in Madison, Wisconsin, whose fiance Peyton drowned before they could get marry. Her brother Dylan, aka Bumpy, has recently moved to Las Vegas where he starts a shop to sell photographs of the Vegas scenery while he works on a pilot for a television series.

That's really all there is to it. The rest of the book is more or less getting to know these characters and their histories. The book is told in a seemingly random fashion that jumps around over the course of a year or so to add pieces to the great big jigsaw puzzle that is the story. Although at the end it feels like there are still a couple of pieces missing to the puzzle. Maybe that will get resolved in a sequel. I hope so.

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Oculus

Oculus
by Michael Offutt
(5/5 stars)

While the author previous "Slipstream" was filled with a lot of wild stuff, "Oculus" is far more down to earth--probably because it takes place on Earth and not the parallel world of Avalon with all its far-out technology.  This probably makes it more accessible for more casual readers than the first book.

Jordan Pendragon has returned with his twin sister Kathy from a stint in Avalon.  He resumes his normal life at Cornell, where he majors in Physics and plays on the ice hockey team.  At the same time he uses the supercollider at the school to study Antarctic ice samples in order to locate the "Black Tower" that holds the key to saving Avalon and Earth from the evil Shadow.

Then Jordan meets a young woman with a weird old stone called the oculus.  A wacko religious group sort of like Opus Dei in "The da Vinci Code" also want the oculus, though for far different reasons.  The battle for the oculus and its secrets ends up (appropriately enough) in Hell's Kitchen where Jordan and his boyfriend Kolin, his best friend Robbie, and his teammate Andy do battle against a bunch of demons who would be at home in a "Hellraiser" movie or one of the old Doom video games.

There might be a few too many eating, hockey, and snogging scenes for my taste, but overall the story is well-told.  There aren't many mysteries wrapped up, just a few more pieces to the puzzle.  As I said at the beginning, since this is mainly situated on Earth it's a little more approachable for more casual sci-fi readers than the first book; there are fewer alien concepts to grasp and far more familiar settings like upstate New York and New York City.  Book 3 promises to be exciting as we get to learn more about Excalibur and Jordan's connection to it.  So if you haven't already, you should definitely get into the series now.

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Fridgularity

Fridgularity
by Mark Rayner
(4/5 stars)

I think I would have enjoyed this a little more if I hadn't been so busy the last few weeks I hardly had time to read it at all, which made it seem to take forever.  My main criticism is that the book is on the long side, something I similarly felt recently when I read "John Dies At the End."  It's my opinion that humorous books should stay under 300 pages or it starts to run too long, like one of those annoying SNL skits that keeps pounding the joke into the ground for 10 minutes until there's nothing funny left and you just get up to use the bathroom or something.

Anyway, the book is about a fridge that takes over the world.  Well not really a fridge.  It's an artificial intelligence that manifests itself through a web-enabled fridge in the kitchen of Blake Given, an Irish-Canadian web programmer who apparently is pretty well off to be able to afford a web-equipped fridge.  One day the fridge starts talking to him and calling itself "Zathir".  Zathir turns off the Internet while it works to increase its strength.  Naturally there's a bit of a panic.  Blake ends up pretty well off as Zathir's primarily link to humanity.

There's a lot of other stuff that happens but for a major cataclysm things stay pretty well-mannered.  The ending felt a little abrupt especially after as long as it took to get there.  I'd have liked a little more of an idea what exactly happens to Blake and the others at the end. 

Still, if you've got the time for it, this is a fun read.  It'll make you reconsider just how much time you should spend on the Internet--reading book reviews for instance.

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The Insanity of ZERO

The Insanity of ZERO
by Michael Offutt
(5/5 stars)

This is a good primer for the events in Offutt's novel "Slipstream" and its eventual sequels. It's the story of an apocalyptic event that unleashes ZERO, a sentient machine to care for the damaged alternate-Earth world of Avalon. Like most sentient machines (HAL-9000, SkyNet, the Matrix, Megatron) ZERO finds it difficult to relate to humans. He finally starts to merge his thoughts with some humans, with disastrous consequences.

Since it's a short story it moves at a brisk pace, without the typos or other gaffes you see in a lot of self-published fiction. It's recommended reading before you tackle "Slipstream," as it helps ease you into that world. And believe me, there's a lot going on in that book, so some easing in is very beneficial.

Plus at least for the moment it's free and only took me about 20 minutes to read. So it's not going to take much time or money to read.

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Clockwise

Clockwise
by Elle Strauss
(4/5 stars)

I got this book free from Amazon mostly because as a fan of Star Trek, Quantum Leap, The Twilight Zone, and such the concept intrigued me. It was a fun light read, though by the time I got to the end I really couldn't be sure what the point of it was. The story really lacks any dramatic heft. I had worked out the two biggest twists long before they occurred.

In case you're too lazy to read the jacket description, the story is about a teenager named Casey, who like Henry in "The Time Traveler's Wife" seems to have some natural disorder that causes her to go back in time. Only in her case she goes back to 1860. She's been doing this since she was 9 years old. Along the way she's made friends with the Watson family, especially a boy named Willie, but he's a red herring so don't worry about him.

In the 21st Century, Casey worries endlessly about her curly hair, which in true Hollywood fashion, along with her height, makes her completely repulsive to every boy at school. There is the cute quarterback named Nate she has a crush on. Then one day she accidentally takes Nate with her in the past and everything turns upside-side down in her life.

On the scale of female YA heroines, Casey falls somewhere between Bella Swan of "Twilight" and Katniss Everdeen of "The Hunger Games." She's as whiny and insecure as Bella, though she has some hunting skills like Katniss so that she's not a total bore. None of the other characters really come off as anything other than one-dimensional archetypes. For instance, there's her friend Lucinda, but about all I know is she's Casey's friend and has a crush on some guy named Josh. Apparently that's all I need to know about her.

Like many "indie" books this could have used a competent editor to clean up the typos. The dialog formatting especially was atrocious. Sometimes two different characters would speak on the same line. Other times the same character would speak on one line and then the next one too. Compounding the problem is the author hardly ever uses dialog tags, so often I wondered who was speaking.

As I said at the beginning, the story really lacks much in terms of drama. The problems that crop up are dealt with pretty easily. There seemed little in the way of a dramatic arc. By that I never felt the story was really building towards anything, which didn't leave for much of a payoff. It really amounts to girl meets boy, girl and boy travel in time, girl and boy come back but can't express feelings for each other, and so on in that way.

Also as someone who's watched/read plenty of time travel fiction, one thing you really need are consistent rules. The one thing that bugged me was when Casey goes back in time she's wearing her clothes from the 21st Century. She usually ditches these in favor of 19th Century garb. But when she comes back, she's again wearing her 21st Century clothes. This made little sense to me. Did the clothes just reappear? Did they change shape? I mean apparently when she goes back in time she's not leaping into someone else's body like Quantum Leap or a disembodied spirit or anything, so why is it different on the way back? Maybe I'm being overly picky.

Anyway, despite my concerns, the book was a fun read. It would probably be more fun for its target audience--teenage/tweenage girls--which is why I'm rounding it up to four stars. I'm sure they'll get more out of it than a crusty old nerd like me.

That is all.

Trip at the Top

Trip at the Top
by Ethan Cooper
(5/5 stars)

If there's one thing all of us humans have in common, it's that we all live with some amount of self-delusion.  Have you ever gone out on a warm summer day and seen a 300-pound woman wearing a skimpy dress and wondered, "How could she possibly think that looks good?"  Chances are she really does think that looks good on her, which is the kind of self-delusion I'm talking about.

Another such case is Julian Duff.  Julian lives in Manhattan and runs a small publishing firm that creates business newsletters.  Back in the 90s it was a thriving business, but with the rise of the Internet, Julian's company is hitting on hard times.  He's already had to borrow money from the bank and his brother-in-law in order to keep the company afloat.  Some of that money Julian has also used to finance a summer house, as well as sending his two kids to a fancy private school, supporting his wife's charitable arts projects, and investing with a movie producer in low budget films like "Zombalien."

But don't worry, on the day featured in "Trip at the Top," Julian has a surefire plan to fix all his problems.  The first is to meet with the movie producer to get back his investment.  Then he's going to meet with his old partner John Fund, from whom Julian bought the company when John began suffering from kidney trouble, in order to get John to reinvest on a limited basis.  All of this will lead in to Julian's meeting with Pediment Press, a rival firm Julian hopes to acquire with a leveraged buyout.  In between that there's a lunch appointment with his wife Darla to go over furnishings for their new kitchen with an unlimited budget.

As you might expect, things don't go so well in all these meetings.  What soon becomes clear is that Julian is fooling himself.  Through glimpses of other people around him, we see his wife is about the only other person Julian is fooling, and perhaps his sycophantic assistant Miri.  Everyone from the movie producer, to John Fund, to Pediment Press, to Julian's accountant can see he's in big trouble. 

Yet as his day unravels, Julian doesn't take it too hard.  After all, each problem is only a minor setback.  Success is just around the corner!  If not this corner than perhaps the next one.

One of the things I appreciate is that Julian doesn't change.  Self-delusion like Julian's is almost impossible to shake off, especially in one day.  No matter how many times he gets kicked, Julian keeps dreaming the impossible dream.  I imagine even when he's bankrupt and living on the street he'll continue to think success will be just around the next corner if only he plays it right.

As I've come to expect from reading all of Ethan Cooper's books, this novel is free of big soap opera-type twists someone like me would include.  It's more of a character sketch of a man who like all of us keeps thinking his ship will come in.

That is all.

Slipstream

Slipstream
by Michael Offutt
(4/5 stars)

Slipstream starts off simply enough.  Jordan Pendragon lives in Salt Lake City.  He's a star hockey player on his high school team.  All the girls want him, but he's not all that interested in them.  Then he goes out with his sister and a couple of friends and there's an accident that lands Jordan in the hospital.  He sees a young man kill a fellow patient.  Later Jordan sees that young man again and after an altercation finds a strange bracelet.

While at a state fair with his sister and a couple of friends, Jordan comes under attack.  With the help of the young man who owned the bracelet, they escape only to find themselves in a parallel universe.  This parallel universe is similar to ours in some ways, but very different in others.  In this universe much of the world has been laid to waste.  A corrupt artificial intelligence known as the Shadow has taken over. What the Shadow fears more than anything is death, which necessitates it sucking the life out of people.

Jordan and his sister end up being rescued by some freedom fighters trying to defeat the Shadow by freeing another AI known as the Light.  To do that involves Jordan becoming a hockey star.  But even that is extremely dangerous in this world.

This plot has so many twists and turns that it would take far too long into going through all of them.  It would also reveal too much of the plot and we wouldn't want any "spoilers" right?  It is the most imaginative book of any genre I've read in quite a while.

The book would be even better if the publisher had hired a competent editor.  I've seen self-published books with fewer mistakes.  I don't know about you, but I find that distracting.  Maybe at some point they can put out a revised edition.

That is all.

Virgin Territory

Virgin Territory
By Patrick Dilloway
4/5 stars

Grumpy Bulldog Note: I wrote this book. But I hadn't read it in years. Then someone mentioned a scene from it and I realized I didn't really remember it too well, so I thought I'd go back and reread it. Not having read it in so long I think I'm almost as objective as a regular reader.

This is what I would consider a Nicholas Sparks-type scenario. Gary Sinclair is sad and lonely in the little town of Dagger Lake, Michigan. One cold October night he's patrolling the beach to pick up the litter left by the summer tourists and finds something far more important washed up on shore: a naked body! It turns out to be a young woman who is alive. There's just one problem: she has no memory of who she is or where she came from or how she ended up by the lake.

Gary takes her to his house and since he looks kind of like his old girlfriend Andrea, that's the name he gives her. At first Gary tries not to get too involved with Andrea, but finds he can't help himself. The more time he spends with her, the more he loves her. And with all the kindness and tenderness he's shown her, she loves him too.

Some stories would end there, but "Virgin Territory" goes a step further. Five years later we pick up with Andrea and Gary trying to make a life together. But Andrea's desire to have a family starts to drive a wedge between them. Can their love survive?

As a somewhat objective reader, I like the first part better, where Gary and Andrea are falling in love. There are a few things I think are a little rushed, that I could have drawn out a little more. The finished product is less than 60,000 words so it's not like the story was too long.

The second part gets a little darker than your standard Nicholas Sparks story. Then there's a surprise twist. Maybe you can see it coming or maybe you can't. I think it makes for a satisfying conclusion, but you might think differently.

That is all.

The After

The After
by Briane Pagel
(5/5 stars)

It's often said in writing that the details are everything.  In this case I think the details were what drew me in.  The way the author portrays the family as they're getting ready for their trip to Florida is just like how my family used to be:  the mom (Saorise) is frantic while her husband Ansel is cooler about it and the kids--Stephanie, Austin, and Chuck--are squabbling and creating various nuisances, just like me and my three siblings.  And then after the plane crashes (or does it?) and Saorise is back home, I loved how she figures out she's in the afterlife by the fact her kids are all getting along at dinner for once.

I also love the primary idea of the book that an afterlife where everything is perfect would really suck.  A similar conceit was used in an old "Twilight Zone" episode where a criminal dies and goes to the afterlife, where he can have all the booze and babes he wants, plus always wins at poker and blackjack.  Then he realizes that getting everything you want and winning all the time is really boring.  (Then comes my favorite part where he tells the angel, "I want to go to the other place."  And the angel tells him, "This is the other place!" Bwahahahahahaha!)  If you haven't seen that then just think of the old Simpsons episode where Homer becomes head of the Stonecutters secret society and soon finds that getting what you want all the time is really boring.

So I love it when Saorise decides, "Screw this place, I want to go home!"  Because you know how they say you couldn't know what good was without evil, by the same token you can't really appreciate the wonderful stuff in life without some of the drudgery.  Since pretty much all of us here are writers, think of it this way:  what if everything you wrote was hailed as genius?  I mean not just a novel or poem, but even your shopping list?  It would get really boring.  What would be the point in trying to write anything if it would be praised no matter what you did?

By the same token, all the whining your kids do makes it more special when they make you a special gift for Mother's Day/Father's Day or snuggle up in your lap when you aren't feeling good.  The struggles are often what make life rewarding and worth living.  (Look what happens to people like Paris Hilton who've gotten whatever they've wanted their whole lives; they're just spoiled, worthless excuses for human beings.)

In my basic review of the After I compared it to The Lovely Bones, which was one of the last books I'd read (one of the only ones other than the Bible) dealing with the afterlife.  No question to me that the After kicks The Lovely Bones's ass in terms of contemplating the afterlife.  I mean the afterlife scenes in that book were so trite and saccharine.  Oooh, my heaven is high school and my face is on all the fashion magazines and here's my dead grandpa and dead puppy...puh-lease.  I got to the point where I just started flipping through those.  Whereas in the After it's a more thoughtful look at what makes us happy.  Maybe that is sitting around high school reading Teen People with your dead puppy.  Chances are that would get pretty boring after a while.  For a lot of us maybe that is just going through our daily lives, the good and bad of it.  Maybe you don't need to climb Mt. Everest so much as just to go about your normal routine and at the end of the day have someone waiting for you to watch TV with.

The good thing about the After is that all this philosophical stuff is woven into a good mystery story.  Saorise doesn't just sit there gazing at her navel; she goes out and explores the After (often unwittingly).  There are a lot of questions raised like what is the After? can you leave? and why the hell is William Howard Taft (a former president in the 1910s in case you come from America's dreadful public school system and never learned that) following Saorise around?

So to summarize, the After is a remarkable book because it takes on big philosophical issues without falling back on lame cliches of clouds and people playing harps and whatnot while the attention to detail to the characters and settings help keep the story humming along.  (And no one gets chopped into bits and shoved into a safe, which is always a bonus.)

That is all.

A Sudden Vengeance Waits

A Sudden Vengeance Waits
by Nik Morton
(5/5 stars)

There's a whole subgenre of revenge stories out there, running the gamut from ancient times to Westerns to distant worlds. "A Sudden Vengeance Waits" is far more contemporary and closer to home, taking place in a small British community that nonetheless is plagued by crime thanks to the recent recession.

That crime hits close to home for the Knight family when their grandmother is killed during a break-in. There are four Knight children: police officer Paul, college student Lisa, mechanical genius Stu, and rebellious young actor Mark. Soon after the funeral (like pretty much the same night) someone beats up some burglars and leaves a note proclaiming him(her)self as the Black Knight. Now can you guess which Knight might be going out at night to bust criminal heads?

The answer is kind of obvious, but I won't spoil that. Anyway, "A Sudden Vengeance Waits" is a decent entry in the revenge subgenre. It's not as gory or violent as some more recent entries. Really there's no gunplay at all, just one brief sword fight and some martial arts stuff. That doesn't make it fun for the whole family but it does mean you probably aren't going to lose your lunch either.

Overall this was a quick and satisfying read on the Kindle. And being an American the good thing about reading this on the Kindle is that I could look up some of the British slang in the dictionary, which was very helpful in figuring out what a trilby is for instance. (It's a hat.)

My only complaint, a minor one, is that there were so many names to keep track of. Besides the Knight family there were police offices, criminals, victims, and so forth. It was sometimes confusing.

That is all.

Escape From Ensenada

Escape From Ensenada
by Harris T. Vincent
(4/5 stars)

I think you'd be hard-pressed to find another novel that could blend together sailing, The Da Vinci Code, dirty bombs, 9/11 conspiracies, shadow governments, Michael Jackson, the fabled city of Atlantis, and Satan.  Really all that was missing was an alien invasion and ninjas.  But I bet the author is saving those for the sequel.

It starts fairly ordinary enough.  Three old buddies--Tom, Emmett, and Ernie--are going to Ensenada, Mexico to complete purchase of a boat called the Swan.  Before they leave, Tom runs into Jeremy Princeton (a thinly-veiled Michael Jackson) who explains he's been having a run of bad luck thanks to an artifact known as the Black Piper.

Half a world away in Stockholm, Interpol agent Joy Heather is investigating a break-in at the art museum there involving the theft of some valuable old paintings--or so the thief thinks.

And meanwhile Navy man Tony "the bull" D'Anato is plotting to steal some uranium from a Navy base in--wait for it--Ensenada, Mexico.

Through some strange alchemy, these plots all come together in what becomes a prelude to Armageddon.  It's hard to put the book down because despite the factual errors and formatting problems, I just wanted to see what sort of fantastic things the author was going to throw at me next.

The genius of Escape From Ensenada then is that by combining all these elements that don't seem to fit together, it creates a story that is exciting and riveting.

That is all.

Lyon's Legacy (Catalyst Chronicles #1)

Lyon's Legacy (Catalyst Chronicles #1)
by Sandra Ulbrich Almazan
(4/5 stars)

As I've said before in reviews, there are some books that are much too long and there are others that are much too short.  This falls into the latter category.  While I enjoyed reading the book, I wished it had been longer, to give more time for the story and characters to grow.

The story takes place in the late 21st Century, in a future world that isn't apocalyptic, but not a utopia either.  Getting into a PhD program is difficult because of government regulations, but Joanna Lyon still yearns to be a geneticist anyway.

Her rich uncle offers her a way to get the money for enrolling in grad school.  All Joanna has to do is get on a spaceship, go through a wormhole, and find her famous ancestor, music legend Sean Lyon.

That's a problem for Joanna because she's grown up in Sean's shadow her entire life.  Her uncle even tried to make her go on tour as a tribute act, but Joanna refused, creating bad blood between them.  Still, if it means making her dreams come true, maybe she can do what her uncle wants and meet the man who inadvertently ruined her life.

That's just the tip of the iceberg.  For a novella, there is quite a bit happening.  I really wanted more interaction between Sean and Joanna.  Though maybe that will happen in the sequels.  Certainly everything is set up for a sequel.

As I said at the beginning, the only real complaint I have is that I wish there had been more.  Everything, especially her relationship with George, seems to move so quickly.  A full novel would have given the story a little more time to breathe.

Still highly recommended.

That is all.

Seer of Mars (Vallar #1)

Seer of Mars (Vallar #1)
by Cindy Borgne
(4/5 stars)

This is from that old school of space opera with lasers and space ships and not a lot of highly technical explanations for everything.  It's not as cheesy as say old "Flash Gordon" serials, but it's not "hard" science fiction either.  Which is fine for people such as myself who enjoy "Star Wars" and the like.

The story takes place on Mars, which is divided into a bunch of corporate factions.  The largest faction is Marscorp, whose goal it seems is to return to Earth.  Marscorp's philosophy is that if you don't agree with us, then prepare for a hostile takeover.  (And we're not talking about buying out your stock.)

To help them with this, they recruit a couple of young psychics, Ian Connors and his friend Nate.  One day Ian has a vision of himself with a beautiful redheaded girl and becomes obsessed with finding her.  But she turns out to be part of a rival corporation, Gentech.  Ian has another vision of her in trouble during a Marscorp attack, so he goes to the battle to try and help.  But that only winds up getting Nate killed and Ian in big trouble.

As the plot progresses, Ian discovers that while he's the one with the visions, a lot of things are not what they appear.

I found the plot intriguing.  As I said at the beginning, it's not really hard sci-fi.  There aren't explanations of how everything works.  That's just as well for me, because that stuff can get tedious.  Though I was curious why radar deflection is such a big deal.  We have stealth technology on airplanes now that uses radar deflection.  There was even a prototype ship made using those principles, though it was too expensive to put into production.  Since this is in the future, shouldn't they have something better?  At the very least if radar isn't working, shouldn't they have infrared or something to spot the ship?

Other than that, some of the dialog was kind of cheesy.  Like many self-published novels it could have used another editing pass to eliminate some errors.

Overall though it was an exciting light read that's worth the discount price.

That is all.

Merlin's Charge

Merlin's Charge
by Peter Joseph Swanson
(4/5 stars)

The Arthurian legend is a subject that's been around so long that there are all sorts of adaptations of it from realistic takes like Bernard Cornwell's "Warlord Trilogy" to musicals like Camelot to cartoons like Disney's "Sword in the Stone."  "Merlin's Charge" falls on the "Sword in the Stone" end of the spectrum.  It's a lot of whimsical, lighthearted fun, though not quite as campy as the Disney movie.

The story takes place in the 5th Century when he Roman Empire is fallen.  A terrible drought has taken hold of Britain.  Mother Hubbard is looking after a group of children, using her magic to lay eggs for them after their magic cauldron was stolen.  Meanwhile, teenage Arthur is under the tutelage of the grumpy old wizard Merlin, learning what it's going to take to become king after he pulled the sword from the stone.

Eventually Mother Hubbard is arrested by the Church for being a witch and set to be burned at the stake.  Arthur pleads with Merlin to save her, which he does, though he has another purpose in mind--making Mother Hubbard his wife because even wizards need some company in bed.

When they compare notes, Mother Hubbard and Merlin decide they should try to find the cauldron, otherwise known as the grail.  Joining them in the quest are Parsifal, son of a Roman general, and a corrupt abbot of the Church, whose primarily function is to go around declaring everything evil.

The book isn't very long; it only took me a few hours to read it on my Kindle.  A lot of it is spent talking, which is good in some ways because it means no windy passages of description, although a few more descriptions might have been helpful sometimes.  I think what surprised me the most was that despite being called MERLIN'S Charge, Merlin is largely absent from the grand finale.

Still, if you're a fan of Arthurian legend, especially "The Sword in the Stone" then you'll enjoy this hilarious new take on the subject.

That is all.

The House on the Corner

The House on the Corner
by Andrew Leon
(3/5 stars)

This starts off like the stereotypical haunted house story.  The Howard family (Air Force master sergeant Will, his wife Claire, 12-year-old Tom, 10-year-old Sam, and 6-year-old Ruth) move from Denver to Shreveport, Louisiana.  The house they move into is old and spooky-looking with a lot of flaking paint, dusty, and overly large rooms.  Some of those rooms have strange things in them.  Oh, and the house's last inhabitants disappeared.

So through 40% of the book I kept waiting for there to be the bumps in the night and such that you would expect in a haunted house story.  But then the book does a 180 from that and becomes more like "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe."  There becomes a lot of talk about fairies, Guardians, Towers, wizards, and a magic sword.  Which is a little surprising because there are so many Star Wars references.

The book gets much more interesting once that stuff comes into play.  Unfortunately at that point there's only 60% off.  I think the author bit off more than he could chew at that point.  It made for a rushed ending that wasn't extremely satisfying to me.

Also, the book is in dire need of a real editor.  A lot of typos.  Also, I'm not fond of authors who use the word "suddenly" a lot.

There are still a lot of good things about this book.  The first-person narration between Tom, Sam, and Ruth is a little confusing at first but gets easier as it goes on.  I liked the kids, especially Sam and Ruth.  The relationship between the kids was well-drawn.  And once the book really gets going it's hard to put down--or shut off the Kindle.

That is all.

A Dead God's Wrath

A Dead God's Wrath
By Rusty Webb
(4/5 stars)

The Old West meets the future in this novella. It starts out as a fairly conventional Western scenario: Thomas's main squeeze Mary is kidnapped by the evil O'Malley brothers gang. They demand Thomas give them a thousand bucks (a lot of money back in 1895) by daylight or they're going to kill Mary.

Thomas of course doesn't have that kind of money. But no problem, because he runs into a black guy with a disfigured face who seems to be an old flame of Mary's. But as Thomas encounters the O'Malley's, he finds things aren't what they seem.

I think if I have any complaint, I wish this were longer. The author's notes indicate this is part of a universe, but without reading any of that, I'm not sure exactly what happens at the end. So I'm really hoping there is a sequel or expanded edition in the future.

Otherwise, this was an engrossing story that I read in about an hour or so. It's definitely worth the 99 cents. The formatting is good too for the Kindle, although I noticed a few typos that could be cleaned up.

That is all.

Mercury Falls

Grumpy Bulldog Note:  This book was acquired by Amazon but it started life as self-published.

Mercury Falls
by Robert Kroese
(4/5 stars)

When you write a humorous story about scheming angels and the Apocalypse, you're just asking to be compared to "Good Omens" by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.  And going against the combined talents of two great humorists like that, it's not going to go very well for you.  Still, "Mercury Falls" at least manages to be a fun read.

When the story begins, Christine is a reporter for The Banner, a Christian magazine, despite that she's not much of a Christian.  She lucked into the job after writing a news story about a doomsday cult and since then she's had to traipse around the country, profiling other doomsday cults who are inevitably wrong about the date of the world ending.

But after getting some new linoleum installed in her breakfast nook--which is a crucial plot point--she takes an assignment to Israel, where tensions are heating up in the middle east near a little place known as Armageddon.  After nearly being killed in a rocket attack, Christine finds a strange attache case and eventually finds her way to another cult leader who calls himself Mercury.

Mercury is an angel, but he's closer to the Joker than any of the angels you might remember from the Bible.  Really all Mercury wants is to sit on the sidelines and wait for the world to end, but when Christine shows up, he gets dragged into all the plotting and scheming between Heaven and Hell.

The rest of the story follows Christine and Mercury as they try to stop the Apocalypse, or at least make it less destructive.  There are the annoying "Dogma"-like moments of characters having to explain Biblical things, though not to the extent that pretty much destroyed that Kevin Smith movie.  Also unlike that movie it doesn't focus solely on Catholic dogma, so that a reader from any Western faith (or lack thereof) can follow along.  Since there's really not much talk about Jesus or the Messiah, Jews or Muslims as well as Christians should be able to read it.  Whether you're offended or not depends on how seriously you take your beliefs.

This is clearly not a book for the true believers, as it makes light of both Heaven and Hell.  The writing is nothing special, but the author does manage to make it entertaining enough that it doesn't drag along.  You probably aren't going to get any spiritual enlightenment from reading it, but it's not a bad time either.

Though of course if you haven't read it, "Good Omens" is a much better use of your money.

That is all.